The Objective Reality
I know a man who was brutally abused as a child. Beaten severely by an overbearing father. This man was forced to go to church every Sunday and grew up in a harshly unmerciful, unforgiving and condemning household. He never knew hunger or poverty and his clothes were new, clean and ironed as a child. Within the community, his family was accepted, but his abuse was never validated. No one ever told him, I know you were being abused. No one ever tried to help him.
He never connected with anyone emotionally. Because he could not. How can a person who only knew love as hate connect with anyone? He constructed his own reality and philosophy on life. And he became a bad man.
It isn’t uncommon for the unvalidated to hate society. To play it, as though they are a part of it.
The one person who could’ve validated his abuse, was his mother. She would not, because she felt guilty having never raised a hand in his defense. Therefore the man hated women. He also, not surprisingly, was an avowed Atheist.
The man of whom I speak married and had children. He destroyed his son’s life, as well as his eldest daughter’s life. Both were very intelligent, handsome people. Both were of a certain depth. His abuse of them was never validated and within the community, he was revered.
His son died young. His daughter, barely survived poverty, living far below her potential, as he lived very well. He lived very well because he worked very hard and with a bit of luck, made a lot of money. Doors were closed to her young, at his request. He feared that she would tell of his abuse of her and her siblings when they were young.
And his children’s mother? She was psychologically murdered. It was easy to do because her abuse as a child had never been validated, though her intelligence and talent most certainly had been.
People who are not validated, the underachievers and overachievers are rarely dangerous to society. They will at some point in their life struggle with bouts of insanity, due largely to not being validated.
It is very maddening, attempting to assess one’s own potential, when one has been psychologically neglected. And that, basically, is what non-validation is. A psychological neglect. You only exist physically. And all of your inner pain has no reason. No validation for being there.