Assessing UFO Conspiracy Theories

We live in an exciting world, but there is an even more interesting and frightening world that exists just beyond our perception. It is the world inhabited by UFO researchers, psychics, witches, and ghost hunters, governed through the ages by groups of powerful men like the Illuminati, the Knights Templar, the Priory of Sion, and the Trilateral Commission, all selected by our true overlords from beyond our planet.

We know this to be true, of course, because some people have said so. And of course, that wasn’t just idle talk. They SAW documents, and had themselves hypnotized, and made affidavits, so we know it must be true. William Cooper was one such true patriot willing to risk his life to reveal the secrets of this hidden world to his fellow man. He was a former US naval intelligence agent. Well, sort of; he worked in the Naval Intelligence offices once. But he was a Petty Officer at least, that has to count for something. He saw some documents describing details of secret government activities, such as Operation Majority, which revealed the TRUE history of UFOs.

And Bill Cooper wasn’t the only one. An engineer named Bob Lazar who once worked at a secret annex of the famous Area 51 also bravely revealed the truth about the UFOs hidden by the government in the Nevada desert. He was backed up in his claims by John Lear, son of the inventor of the Lear Jet. John Lear is a pretty good pilot, plus he’s kind of famous, so we can rest assured his word is valid. Lazar and Lear even had a small quantity of the alien’s secret power source known as Element 115 and did experiments with it. Someone, maybe an agent of the secret government, stole the Element 115 back from them so they weren’t able to show it to anyone. But of course that’s what happens when everything is being run by the aliens, so it’s just more proof. After all, they had President Kennedy assassinated to prevent him from revealing the truth about UFOs to the public, and manufactured the AIDS virus to reduce population growth. These are not people to mess with.

As if we needed more proof, it should be pointed out that the brave and patriotic Mr. Cooper made many of his disclosures before few people even knew about the Bilderberg Group, a real organization that can and does shape the path the world takes in the months after its meetings. We already may be doomed by the powerful and evil forces of world domination working in the shadows to control every aspect of our lives, but thanks to people like Bill Cooper, John Lear, and Bob Lazar, at least we know about it.

If there is indeed any conspiracy we should worry about, it is the conspiracy of circular logic, innuendo, fact-bending, and outright fraud of assorted lunatics and publicity-hounds that casts doubt on an area of scientific inquiry. The definite discovery of life beyond our planet and the revelation that we have been visited by alien species at least as intelligent as we are would be a fascinating and important moment in human history. It would be tragic if we were to reach that milestone, and no one would believe it because it did not meet the standards of truth of YouTube, Wikipedia, and Fox News. But that would probably suit the New World Order just fine; and having said that, I think I’ll go make sure my door is locked, so the assassins from the Council of Foreign Relations have a harder time getting in here to silence me for revealing their secret plans.