It is virtually impossible for most human beings to hold back all feelings when hurt, whether from a physical, emotional or psychological injury. How the feelings are expressed depends very much on the individual personality concerned, as well at the “hurtful” event. For some, tears are a weakness, especially public tears, while for others they are a necessary catharsis that just cannot be held back. So whether is is better to cry when hurt or hold back all feelings depends entirely on what triggers the pain and the emotional and psychological response specific to the person involved.
When considering emotional triggers in response to hurt, reactions stem from a variety of sources. In particular, upbringing and life experiences determine how a person responds. Those from a family environment where all feelings were openly expressed, accepted and shared, will find it the norm to cry when hurt. On the other hand, this very exuberance of emotional expression can work in the opposite way for some adults from the same family. They have had enough of what they perceive as excessive outpourings, so repress the impulse to cry, holding back all feelings.
Then, there are those who have developed a protective shell to deflect feelings of hurt. Once again, childhood and life experiences have contributed to this instinctive shutting off of hurtful emotions. It is almost as if they tell themselves: “If I do not feel, then I cannot be hurt.” For such people, tears are not an option, they will try, and usually succeed, to hold back tears and feelings too. The hurt is held inside, usually to resurface as stress, anger, fear and loneliness.
It must be remembered that every human being is unique, so what hurts one will just wash over another. Some people are optimists, some pessimists, some negative all the time, some seeking out the positive in life. These, and many other factors determine how hurt impacts and how feelings are handled.
Finally, there is no right or wrong answer to this question, as too many variants dictate human response. But most counsellors, mothers, friends or carers will urge that feelings be expressed, that if you are hurt, then cry. A good cry can relieve pain, release negativity and leave a person feeling cleansed and at peace. There are times when nothing else but “a good cry” will do to help deal with the roller coaster ride that is life. No holding back; that makes everything seize up. Tears open up the emotional floodgates and sweep away the debris. The answer that I personally would choose as to whether it is better to cry when hurt or hold back all feelings is YES, cry when the need arises. Strive for healthy, emotional well-being.
