Life’s big surprise’s.
What you are about to read happened to me on Oct.10th,2004, 2 months before I was to get married.
Imagine gong to bed one night and waking up 21 days later. That’s what happened to me. I refer to it as the night my head blew up.
That evening as far as I can remember was normal. We went to a friend’s house for the evening. I remember asking to be taken home that I wasn’t feeling well. Pretty much went straight to bed when we got home. I woke up 21 days later to find myself in a Re-hab hospital. How and why I was there seemed natural like I had know all along where I was but I didn’t remember anything about the past few weeks.
My light bulb came back on around 8:30- 9:00am. I was sitting in the middle of the bed talking on the phone to my boyfriend telling him what to bring to me.I had this note book on the bed with me that had a bunch of notes in and a calender.
Later that morning I was sent to speech therapy.Then off to physical therapy.It was very hard for me to walk stairs, it hurt my legs i could barely raise my legs to get up the steps. Coming down was even harder,My balance was way off.
As I think of it all now, the day I woke up it’s like a dream i was in but hovering over myself watching my life go by. I spent another week in rehab and then was sent home. Actually I spent all week at my daughters house and went home for weekends when Boyfriend was back off the road and could take care of me.I couldn’t be left alone. I slept allot, actually falling asleep in the middle of conversations, I had a hard time keeping up with conversations, I couldn’t go out of the house alone and if My daughter got brave and took me to the local store with her One of my grandchildren had to hold my hand and stick to me like glue. I had the habit of getting lost and confused very easy. I also had vision, hearing and balance problems. The biggest problem I had was short term memory loss.That was the need for the note book.
I had to carry a note book with me if I went anywhere so I could write down what door I went in so I could figure out how to get back out. I had to write everything down for months.
As time went by and the took me off the anti-seizure medication My head got clearer I could think a bit better as time went by. I spent allot of time home alone. Even tho it was the loneliest, darkest time of my life I was glad to be alive.
Time passed and I spent allot of time on-line trying to find information on ” Sub arachnoid Hemorrhage’s ” or in layman’s terms it is know as a Brain Aneurysm. Their wasn’t allot of information out there on the subject. Majority of people don’t survive. The more I found out the guiltier I felt. I felt guilty for putting the people I love through such a horrible thing.
The more i found out the more scared I got that it would happen to me again. Which was a high possibility. The DR. told my kids the first six months to a year would be the deciding factor.The realization that I was as close to death as one ever wants to be with out actually dieing. I had to accept the fact that this was going to be a long slow recovery. My family was as supportive as they could be. Unfortunately I had to depend on My daughter and son-in-law immensely.
It’s been a long slow road to walk but I am walking it on occasions I roller skate up the road.Considering I could barely walk a flight of stairs when I got home from the hospital and I can now roller skate I think I have come a long way baby.
I still consider myself in recovery. I am still learning how to cope with the new me. I continuously look for information to help me improve. I am disabled. I have still have short term memory problems, balance, and hearing problem and I try hard to keep a positive attitude about my life. It gets very hard for me at times. To look at me you’d never suspect theirs anything wrong with me which makes it even harder for me. Some expect me to be able to handle things as i used. I am just finding answers to so many questions I’ve had for the past three yrs. I understand the memory loss, balance and hearing problems. I am trying to understand the personality change and the short temperament I now have. I have no trouble remembering my life before the blow up It’s immediate recall I have trouble with.I also don’t sleep well at night.
It’s been a long hard road for me and I still keep on rolling on down the road.
As for the wedding it never happened. Long story I will save for the soap opera I am going to write.
My life now is good. I try to stay focused on the good and let go of the past. I have two beautiful grandchildren that love their nanny to pieces so I have to stay healthy and alive so I can watch them grow up.