Being angry is a sign of weakness and of not being in control. It is certainly not a sign of power or authority or control.
Imagine, you are driving a vehicle and on seeing an obstacle appear unexpectedly ahead on the road, you are pushing the accelerator harder rather than slamming on the brake. Would people around call you an “in control” or an “out of control” driver? That’s the way people experience you when you are angry as an “out of control” person.
You need to think. And transform. Now!
Recognize and value what makes you angry. In all cases, it is an opinion, outcome, event or emotion that you didn’t want or an order that makes you angry. Because, if you had your way, why would you ever be angry? Remind yourself that “It is what it is.” No matter how much you kick around, things are not going to change. To change things, you need to apply your mind, calmly and systematically. Stay aggressive. Stay calm. Never angry.
As a corollary…If being angry can help in changing something quickly, just use anger. Don’t let anger use you. You can use anger for 30 seconds to get a result and be calm and have fun from the 31st second.
Anger can be used as a quick action tool and a tool doesn’t hurt. Anger in a detached sense with a selfless puprpose can be useful in many situations. That is not anger. That is a facade of anger. And it is not hypocrisy, if the purpose behind the facade of anger is for a greater good for all.
Here are two examples:
Scenario 1: If my daughter is late for school and she is still lazing around, I get angry to push into action and get out of the house. The moment she gets past the door, we have our usual fun and calm. I wouldn’t want to say “It is what it is” and encourage her to run further late. I need to be assertive even if with a tinge of anger if it get the message across.
So here you drive the anger – don’t let it drive you. The times when anger does get the better and drive you are also opportunities to learn about oneself and use the anger as an indicator.
Scenario 2: When my daughter is late I used to get angry, but now I go into the “sports coach” mode. i.e. not angry, but go into a rallying mode. Hustle her to finish her chores and get going. I clap my hands saying “Alright! get moving! go! go! go!” I don’t recognize it in me as using anger and I have got to know anger over the years. I’ve unwittingly found more success and less animosity in me and her by using the “coach” method as a tool rather than anger.
And yes, once we are out then and even if the bus hasn’t arrived yet, it’s all fun and games while waiting in the driveway. Looking at dewdrops on the grass. Observing the bugs in the mud go about their chores in a hurry. I don’t think I’ve seen a bug that’s as lazy and slacking (lesson hidden somewhere there?) as my daughter! But the effective use of anger has made the bugs look prettier and and my daughter is now growing up to be a fine and responsible young lady as well.
Use anger. Let anger not use you.