Alien Invasion of Earth – Humans to be Nuggets
A staple of science fiction, alien invasions of earth have always excited the imagination of our fellow earthlings, but only seem to truly distress the paranoid few. Those that claim to have actually seen flying saucers or even been abducted by aliens are generally viewed as societal outcasts. Providing good hard evidence seems next to impossible for these poor souls. Often they are solitary witnesses or come forward backed by very vague statements.
Yes, their visits are truly hard to fathom. What possible interest could a highly intelligent, supremely technologically advanced race capable of inter-stellar travel have in a group of hairless apes that relish in blowing things to pieces? What could we ever offer them?
Taken from this perspective, it could easily be assumed that aliens are indeed already here. If they can come and go at will and their only witnesses are made to look like complete nut jobs, then it is also possible that we are already in the grip of a full scale invasion. If they are, in fact, so careful and secretive, they may now have control of the world as we know it in a vast conspiracy. Perhaps that conspiracy already has us on the losing end of this battle for our planet.
How else can you explain global warming? If scientists are correct, we are literally killing off the entire planet so that we can drive our 40 minute long commutes in style. If a Hummer had a vent that replaced the car’s interior oxygen supply with carbon monoxide when the ignition was turned, would anyone buy them? So how does frying the entire planet to drive one make any sense? Yet we still do it.
Humans being involvement just doesn’t work in this scenario. Even if you thought profiting off of fossils fuels was something worth dying over, it really makes very little sense to kill off your customer. It’s a losing business strategy. Therefore, this is just further evidence of the vast alien conspiracy. A conspiracy set in place to ensure we turn this rock in space into something resembling one of those fancy pizza stones you use in the oven.
And what of the blind suicidal tendencies we have all adopted apart from the use of fossil fuels? Everyday people destroy their bodies through consumption of “foods” which were probably never meant to be eaten. People soak up 2000 calories in a single meal at a fast food restaurant and go on to eat two more meals that same day. They then take their 4000 calories with them to the couch and plop down in front of the television or computer for the day.
Who in their right mind would choose to eat something that would make you overweight, diabetic, and give you high blood pressure? Nobody of course. It’s suicidal and imbecilic. It is completely contrary to reason. No, I am here to warn you that fast food is the creation of alien beings hell bent on turning our race into their next food supply. An entire planet of edible little globs of fat with livers primed for pate.
This also finally offers a plausible theory behind alien abductions as well. Aliens are highly advanced and as we all know, advanced races are burdened with bureaucracy. The little grey guys need to ensure the safety of their food supply of course. Members of an intergalactic version of the FDA, they make sure their sources of food are up to snuff. No sense in spreading mad cow disease to their own idyllic planet.
So, here we are, sedentary, fattening up, and literally starting to cook. Just a few more years and we’ll be nice and crisp. And you think you can still sit there and look at me with a straight face and tell me the invasion -hasn’t- already begun? Any day now you can expect a rash of UFO sightings as they coat the earth with their own secret collection of extra-terrestrial spices. The invasion has begun and we my friends are the hors d’oeuvres.