Women and self Esteem

Being a woman in todays’ world is much like a salmon swimming upstream. We all search for ways to justify our self worth. The problem arises when we define our worth by societies’ standards, and in turn create that voice of authority within our psyches. We find ourselves working to become something we’re not from a very young age. The not enough mentality creeps from the outside in – not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not fertile enough, not educated enough, not submissive enough etc etc. If we allow ourselves to become overwhelmed with the internal voices of negativity to fasten our self esteem to, we find ourselves clinging to nothing but our own sense of fear.

Fear of being alone, of not being good enough, of being undesirable, unlovable. Further, most of us learn to rely on our relationships with the opposite sex as a means to boost our self esteem and finally feel worthy of love. It has been disheartening to witness how little some women regard themselves. It is to you, that I speak. To all the wonderful, loving, compassionate lonely souls out there…women from every walk of life, short/tall, heavy/lean, blonds and brunettes – it is for you that I write. After all, it is us who make the world the wonderfully unique place it is.

The truth is, we’ve been LIED to We live in a world where a woman has served the illusion of inferiority for centuries. Woman are debased in almost every brand of media, across the globe, willingly in some cases. We are told by a material society what is sexy, coached by Cosmopolitan and Britney spears. We’ve swallowed this image whole as long as we can remember. At some point, we have to regurgitate all that poison and create something of our own. Let me illustrate my point:

It’s Friday night at the Singapore, and middle aged woman from every corner of Massachusetts swarm into the bar. They’ve prepped for hours for the event, pulling out of their dusty closets anything sequined or frilled. Friendships are left at the door and it’s every woman for herself. They swank in, casting a predatory gaze around the room as they find their seat. A strategic seat and just the right positioning of their overflowing cleavage, they are ready!

Even as I am engrossed in conversation with a close friend – I peer beneath an outsiders perspective at what’s unfolding before me. As the night progresses, the desperation hangs heavy like a dirty blanket. Women strain to see through the murkiness, seeking out the masculine gaze that will finally save them from loneliness. I retreat to the ladies room to gain some perspective and am met by four woman. They are a blur of sequins and frills, jumping up and down in unison and chanting. I am momentarily uplifted, until I realize that this is not some moment of female bonding empowerment, but a celebration of another sort. The head of the chant was raising her voice above the rest. “I got one, I got one,” she crooned. The other three ladies were jumping up and down in excitement. Not because they were happy for her, but because their hope was restored around ‘getting one’ too. Of course they are talking about a man. Their mating dance has been perfect so far. The prettying up, the primping, the binding, the boosting, and the face painting – all performed with the utmost precision. They are bound to win the penis lottery too.

They’ve been lied to, just like the rest of us! That woman who ‘got one’ can most likely look forward to a half an hour of empty sex, only to have the man leave before morning, never hearing from him again. Do you know why? Because she is attracting to her the same vibrational energy that she is putting forth. She’s learned the fine art of gaining the penises love, while forsaking the love she should feel for herself. (Of course, if you truly and know fully what kind of love you’re soliciting, and feel empowered by that? Enjoy!)

For the rest? Those of you that feel victimized by the pressures of finding your ‘soul mate’ before it’s too late? I believe that you’ve forgotten the goddess that dwells inside of you. That divinity hides beneath blue eye shadow and push up bras. I’m here to remind you that we are creatures of courage, the life bearers, mother earth, mistresses of pure and eternal love, healers, teachers and lovers. We are the spine of the world, and the capacity for inner beauty is absolutely astounding. We need to embrace that in its totality. Truly embrace it.

Many of us haven’t taken the time to discover the inner workings of our female mystery. It’s not about the guy, for goddess sake. The right mate will reveal himself when the timing is right. You will draw him to you when you do the work of self discovery. Explore your passions, beyond sex. Whether you’re fired up by golf, or painting, or volunteer work, or you discover a hidden writer inside your aspirations, you owe it to yourself to experience that joy and bliss for yourself. The journey to self discovery is sometimes a long one, but I guarantee that the only way to end up with the perfect mate, is to first reveal the hidden identity behind your fear of being alone to set free your true beauty.

I can speak from personal experience in regards to this recommendation. An excellent way to facilitate this process is to designate one night a week to yourself. I used to call it my ‘date night’. I would look forward to this night all week, thinking about new ways to commune with all of me. One week it might be Chinese take out, a steady flow of coconut and rum drinks with extra pineapple, and a movie I’d been wanting to see. The next week, pizza and champagne while taking a long sensuous bubble bath. Pure decadence. Believe me. It was more fun than the possibility of a fleeting love affair with a random penis. I emerged from those many years of exploration with a deepened sense of myself. I became reverent to the spirit that spoke louder and louder to my existence. As a result, I noticed something very powerful. People became more and more drawn to me. Women, men, children, old people..the full gamete. I had given birth to an authentic self that I never fully realized existed. What was unleashed started to exude from every pore, and the light that was ignited began to dance behind my eyes. (Amazing what a few intimate bubble baths will do for a girl, huh?)

When you truly arrive at that place, you realize that life’s a never ending exploration of possibilities. You draw people to you that match your own awareness, and they reflect back at you their own unique light. . Someone who complements who you truly are will present themselves naturally, and you no longer will feel like you need anyone to complete you. I wish that for all of you. So grab that courage, and dive in! The water is FINE!