A person’s self esteem can be programmed by anyone, at anytime and in any situation. When the self esteem is attacked, in the beginning, the attacker or the individual being attacked doesn’t even understand it’s happening. The biggest attack on anyones self esteem is verbal abuse. Verbal abuse on an individual’s self esteem can be permanent and will manifest it self in different ways through out a person’s life. Often times this low self esteem will manifest within an adult relationship in which the verbal attacks begin at a low level and work up to a complete self esteem melt down. A person’s self esteem is a very sensitive part of the human psyche and will pick up on even the most minute attack.
When a child hears a parent tell them they are “no good”, “shouldn’t have been born” or they are “stupid”, the self esteem is obviously under attack. This child will grow up believing these statements about him/herself (without outside intervention such as counseling). This child will then go into the world looking for a mate who will substantiate these claims. Why this often happens is because the child will be drawn to what he/she is comfortable with or what the child has learned growing up. Throughout adult life this child will be in abusive relationships and the attacks on the self esteem will continue and just be a “normal” part of life.
The individual who has been lucky enough to grow into a “normal” adult with out verbal attacks daily on their self esteem is not exempt from forming the same type of abusive relationship. These individuals who become victims of abuse will not even realize how or when the abuse began. This is possible because the attacker begins unknowingly and very slow. The relationship begins and the abuser realizes that in certain situations he/she can control his/her partner emotionally and so the next step is taken. In this next step the abuser will start the subtle verbal attacks on self esteem subtly pointing out little deficiencies in the partners character. This is used until the abuser realizes he/she is in control of the partner emotionally (this can take years to perfect). The partner is basically turned into a puppet for the abuser. When this step is reached the abuser is now comfortable with open and blatant verbal attacks to the partner’s self esteem without resistance. This person’s self esteem has been manipulated and destroyed without the person even realizing it happened.
Some people are completely controlled by their perception of their self esteem. These people are easily manipulated. They can be manipulated within everyday situations in life. Their employers, their co-workers, their spouses and children will control this type of person. These individuals can be controlled because their subconscious will recognize the smallest verbal attack to their self esteem and submit to whatever request being asked of them to stop this attack.
The self esteem is very sensitive to verbal abuse in any form in which it is given. The self esteem can be manipulated and controlled to act and react to verbal commands of the abuser. Not just an abuser but to anyone at anytime within any situation this is because the self esteem psyche will pick up on truths, even partial truths . The truth or perception of the truth is the true controller of self esteem. This is why verbal abuse is effective in controlling people. The human brain is wired to recognize “truth”, even if that truth is distorted or out of context. In the case of verbal assaults a small piece of the truth is heard. The victim of these verbal assaults realize they have failed in some way or they have made some type of mistake. When they are verbally assaulted the self esteem only hears the failure or the guilt they feel over some past event and lowers to a level of subservient behavior, to stop the reminder or perceived attack.
We are all at risk of falling victim to serving the needs of our self esteem. As humans we have all made mistakes, heard negativity about ourselves, been in situations in which our self esteem has taken a negative blow. We can all fall victim to verbal abuse and control if the abuser can find the right hit, the right attack to our self esteem.