Guide to Attachment Styles in Adults

Unbeknown to many readers of this article, their lives may depend upon attachment styles that affect their lives in many ways, and the purpose of this article is to explain what this means when looking at adult behavior, and how it impacts the lives of those who suffer from it.

Have you ever noticed within the relationships that you come across every day how some people depend upon their partners to such an extent that there is almost an unhealthy clinging in the relationship, where one seemingly cannot exist without the other ? Signs of attachment in the lives of adults don’t necessarily go back to youth, though psychological research has proven that in many cases, the problems begin in the very early years of childhood, and develop from that time into an unhealthy need that follows the sufferer through courting, relationships and marriages.

The classic signs and symptoms of attachment syndrome are these:

*Need for constant reassurance.
*Need to always do things together.
*Lack of independence
*Constant need for approval.

These are just the classic symptoms of problems that derive from attachment ailments, though to explore these further on a simple and easily understandable basis, all of our feelings and emotions towards those that we consider care givers such as parents, lovers, girlfriends/boyfriends, are affected by the experience of a human being when asking one simple question about their youth.

Is the caregiver sufficiently attentive, caring and responsive ?

It seems a pretty simple question doesn’t it, though the answer is the formation of possible problematical areas within the life of those who experience negative results when posing this question.

Going back to childhood, classic behavior of a parent towards a child can manifest itself later in life since the basis of that life was formed in those years that create the individual upon the negative impact of those who were trusted to care for the individual.

*A mother that never listened to a child
*A parent who didn’t care
*A care giver that didn’t respond

The negative aspects of this kind of background is that there is always the possibility that the adult grows up with misconceptions about the element of care that they should obtain within a relationship. They may demand or seek attention. They may cling to a relationship and be almost childlike in their attempts to gain approval, and here we see this in everyday life, and it certainly seems sad that the problem could have been addressed so easily at a younger age to break the cycle of need for responses that the carer was reticent to supply.

Caring for children takes more than just being there. It’s a difficult balancing act, though if a child feels that there is distance between themselves and their main care giver, they are likely to grow up searching for the kind of bonds they feel they should have had, and may exaggerate their need in their actions, seeking to feel loved and needed.

The vicious circle.

Strangely enough, those suffering from attachment disorders are those most likely to have children that similarly find that their parent or care-giver doesn’t respond to their needs. To a certain extent this can be forgiven since their initial role models never gave them the example they need to learn from. What psychologists found was that by addressing the problem of attachment and assessing why it exists, the patient was more capable of confronting their fears and seeing the logic of changing their ways, and trusting life more and thus becoming more equipped to cope with breaking that cycle.

One of the most important lessons for those that suffer from attachment syndrome or detrimental attachment styles is self appraisal, and being able to discover that even though their main care giver didn’t give them the confidence that they needed as a child, they do have value and that they can exist without the approval of others.

It’s a long learning lesson and takes time, though is a worthy journey, since at the end of treatment, a human being has a sense of balance, a sense of purpose, and can learn that their existence as an independent human being is more valuable than clinging to the insecurities imposed within the dark and distant realms of childhood.