Dear Dr. Philippa, I’ve almost completed my Master’s degree in music, and I’ve been awarded a fellowship in Saltzburg, Germany. This should be the happiest time of my life, but I’m crying myself to sleep every night. I’ve wanted to…
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I am inclined to believe that conditional love is not love at all, but a disguise for exploitation. I will love you as long as you meet my needs. I will love you as long as the pleasure outweighs the…
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There is no such thing as loving too much. However, enmeshed, obsessive love is a recipe for disaster. It is so easy to believe that if I can only own and control that special person, life will be perfect. That…
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October 31, 2015 Communication
“Every conversation is an opportunity for success,” proclaims communications maven Debra Fine. Every partnership, every networking connection, every new acquaintance begins with small talk. Social awkwardness could have serious consequences. According to a study tracking MBAs ten years after graduation from the Stanford…
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EXPOSING THE CHEATING HEART How is your relationship with your partner progressing? Are you growing closer each day, or have things stagnated? Does your gut twist when you read these questions? Do you have a feeling that something is not…
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“Don’t talk of stars burning above, if you’re in love, SHOW ME!” When Eliza Doolittle demanded actions instead of words in “My Fair Lady”, she had a point. The refrain of “I love you” can become very hollow unless those…
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What are the signs that you have finally found THE ONE who will be yours forever? Seeing stars, hearing music, and walking on air are symptoms of the temporary insanity of romantic love. This is an incredibly pleasurable experience, but…
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September 14, 2015 Friends and Peers
A good friend has your best interests at heart. A toxic friend keeps you around to serve his or her personal agenda. At first, it may not be easy to tell one from the other. A toxic friend may tell…
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Happy endings are rare when adult children take their aging parents into their home. There are daily challenges to overcome, and they generally continue to escalate. What worked yesterday may not work today. Before embarking on this adventure, consider the circumstances, gather…
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September 9, 2015 Friends and Peers
Do you have a friend who seems to bring out the worst in you? Does your temper flare without warning when you are with this person, even though you are normally stable? Do you feel guilty a lot of the…
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September 8, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
Can a marriage survive and thrive in an atmosphere of lies? If both partners are committed to keeping their marriage intact, it can survive anything short of death. However, lying diminishes the quality of the marital relationship more than any…
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The Bible tells us that perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:18) When we fall in love, we often feel that our love is so immense, so special, that all problems fade into insignificance. When the glow wears off, we discover…
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September 4, 2015 Friends and Peers
We’ve all had those days. We feel overworked and underappreciated. Our honey has left us. We have been unemployed too long and wonder if we will ever get another job. A deal we counted on has fallen through. The sun…
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WHEN CARING BECOMES A DISEASE “When parents depend on their children to be the shock absorbers of their own unresolved issues, they teach them codependency. Rather than be a model for the belief that I am a good and valuable…
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What’s your birthstone? That depends on what system you are using. If you were born on July 25th, ruby is the stone favored for the month of July in the modern tradition, but older traditions the onyx or turquoise. If…
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When children grow up, leave home, and take responsibility for their own lives, both parents and children suffer a bereavement. Familiar roles and boundaries must die in order to be reborn. In the process, the parent-child relationship may blossom, or…
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GETTING TO KNOW YOU. . .SAFELY First dates are exciting. What will the chemistry be? Could this be Prince Charming, the soul mate I’ve been looking for? Will there be a second date? Don’t get so caught up in the…
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Abuse is a monster that wears many masks. In the early stages, it may look like wild passionate love or a fairy-tale romance. It may masquerade as devoted protection or superior wisdom. Bit by bit, it becomes apparent that there is something dreadfully wrong. You…
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Functional families rarely show up in family court or reality TV. Their neighbours hardly ever find it necessary to phone the police about their activities. Members of functional families have few lurid stories to tell their friends and therapists. Gossip…
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So you want to be a better husband? Congratulations. Where to start? Ask your wife for advice. After all, she’s the one this is all about. Write her suggestions down as she brainstorms. When you hit number 100, thank her politely. She’ll…
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Although it may not feel like it at first, the loss of a toxic relationship is the greatest gift you will ever receive. You hold in your grasp the challenging opportunity to heal and live a new, expanded life. However,…
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Relationships are dynamic. They change every day. From time to time, the partners must take stock and ask themselves where they are going and if they want to go there. Is it time to invest more? Is it time to…
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June 15, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
TOO TIRED TO HAVE AN AFFAIR Last April, my Sweetie and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary. I felt dazed. How in the world did we get so far along on the matrimonial obstacle course? We started out starry-eyed, convinced…
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“Why can’t a woman be more like a man?” Professor Higgins muses in My Fair Lady. “Straightening up their hair is all they ever do! Why can’t they do something about the mess that’s inside?” Henry Higgins isn’t exactly a…
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WE ARE HERE TO LEARN ABOUT GOD’S GRACE The idea of Mother’s Day started in 1907, when women banded together to write clergymen, businessmen and politiciansto solicit support for the idea of a day of recognition for mothers. Seven years…
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Is your home a battleground? Are you longing for peace, sweet peace? Is it time to take action? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. First of all, observe the situation. For three days, watch, listen, and write down as much as you…
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May 15, 2015 Marriage and Divorce
One day, while I was cruising through the produce section of the supermarket, a lady asked me a questions about some oranges displayed there. This led to a friendly little chat. Suddenly, tears sprang to her eyes. “How come?” she…
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Are you one of those people who talk and talk and talk, but never say anything? The real you is hiding under the verbiage, afraid to come out. If you stop talking, someone might say something that you don’t want…
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Learning how to get along with others (and how to motivate them to get along with you) is a life-long quest. Various approaches come and go. Some will fit you, some won’t. If you find something you think you can…
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Dear Dr. Ursa, Today is my 65th birthday. After 60 years of looking after other people, bailing out other people, and cleaning up after other people, I am tired. My doctor says that if I don’t learn to delegate, I…
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