How Resentment can Destroy a Marriage

I sat back and watched my marriage end, as if it was a movie rolling in front of me. The screen was of the last 18 years.
As unexpected as it was for him, it was a long time coming for me. I had to let go of him and the marriage. I had to find happiness in my life. My resentment had been festering for a long long time.

My ex was an abusive man, to me and the kids. It’s the old story, first emotional,then physical. We separated and got back together three times during the 18 years.

I turned the resentment inward, it must be me, if I hadn’t said that. I tried to convince myself that this was normal, but deep down I knew it wasn’t. My gut told me to leave, my heart told me to stay.

Resentment made me a sick person, inside and out. It sneaks up on you. I resented him for not wanting to work at the marriage. I resented him for not being there for me during the hard times.
Even when things were going good, I was always waiting for an explosion of some sort. We lost friends and family. I almost lost me. It was frightening.

Suddenly, the light bulb went on. I knew it was over. Resentment had been like a house of bricks. One by one the bricks piled up. Some were straight, some crooked. Resentment tore the bricks down, one by one. Each brick represented a resentment that was never dealt with when going up. When coming down they represented all of the feelings, and finally the result is you just have nothing left to give.

You are indifferent to that person.

Resentment is a lonely place to be. It destroys trust, and self esteem. A person can go their whole life resenting someone.

We see it every day. The older couple who fight in the grocery store, or the couple who just won’t communicate. It becomes a vicious cycle. Don’t let it become yours.

Soap Operas are an example of marriages destroyed. We watch them, and we know which relationships will end. They have all the major resentment issues. They aren’t on the same page. One wants a baby, the other doesn’t. One spouse is gone too much, so they grow apart.

In real life we don’t agree on how to raise the children, or fight over money. Whatever the reason the marriage ends. If you ask them why, they broke up, many times they will say there were just too many issues that they couldn’t get past. Translated, it means they had too much resentment of the other person. The house of bricks crumbles to the ground, it’s too late to re build.