Coming to terms with the fact that your partner has a cheating heart takes guts and determination. Your heart is broken and your trust has been abused in a terrible way. Not only do you have to face the fact that your partner has had an affair, you must come to terms with the fact that he had become emotionally close to another woman.
Many women can forgive a sexual indiscretion, but knowing that your loved one has had an emotional attachment to another woman just cuts right down and destroys something deep inside you.
Forever shattered is that precious bond of commitment, blighted are the memories of those tender moments you once shared, and torn away is the deep understanding that can only come between two people who have pledged to love each other forever. Now you must accept that another woman has been privy to his most personal thoughts and shared his most intimate moments.
Rebuilding a relationship after an act of infidelity is hard. If it can ever be repaired you must somehow rebuild the trust that has been so cruelly ripped away, Hard though it may be, you must find a way to forgive him for what has happened. You may never forget the hurt that he has caused you but after a time of healing, you may come to understand why it may have happened, and in doing so, you will find it in your heart to forgive. Forgiveness is the only way to move on.
After the initial feelings of betrayal and devastation you will feel very bitter and angry. These feelings are perfectly normal and form part of the grieving process. You are coming to terms with the loss of that special bond that you and your partner once shared. It has gone and things will never be the same as they were before.
Some relationships may come unstuck at this stage. Many people either cannot deal with the guilt that they are feeling and cannot cope with the emotional changes that have come about because of it, or some people find that they simply cannot deal with the cruel abuse of their trust and may feel that they can never love their partner again. The relationship will continue for a while, but ultimately, without this act of forgiveness, bitterness turns to misery and misery turns to anger suspicion and hatred.
The healing process begins with trying to understand what has happened between the both of you, and being able to talk it through with the cheating partner. You will want to know: how long the affair was going on? Do they feel any remorse about their behavior? Do they accept that they hurt you in the cruelest way? Do they seem upset to see the pain you are in? Are they sorry for making the wrong choice, or sorry they got caught? Are they willing to recommit and work with sincerity to build a new relationship… or is this likely to happen again? Ask these questions. It will give you the chance to put some aspect of your mind at rest and find some kind of closure for the both of you.
If your cheating partner is sincere in his commitment to repair the relationship, then he should understand that you are going to need a lot of emotional support and reassurance in the coming months. If they appear to be truly sorry for what has happened and remain sensitive to your feelings of hopelessness and insecurity, then you may just have a chance to mend your relationship.
Ultimately you are going to have to ask yourself whether you are going to ever be able to trust that person ever again. And if you found the capacity to trust, what would happen if it happened all over again? Ask yourself if you could cope with it emotionally if it did happen a second time… It takes a lot of strength and courage to recover from a cheating heart a second time… are you up to it?
Answering “yes” to this question leaves you feeling a bit shaky and very scared but you are now ready to move on. You must give each other time to adjust to the new situation. Put some time aside to just sit and talk to each other as honestly as you can. You may need to be made aware that your partner has been having problems that you knew nothing about or perhaps they have found it hard to cope with something difficult in their life. Infidelity can often bring to light certain issues within the relationship. Share your regrets with each other. Try and understand how the other is feeling right now.
It is important that the affair is truly over and that you have made a visible effort to recommit to each other. You are both going to need your own space for a while and some peace to think things over. You have had a huge shock and must come to terms with what has happened. Your partner is probably going to feel very guilty for what he has done, so he will have his own feelings to deal with too.
If you find that you have some deep rooted problems that you both have difficulty in talking about or you are having trouble resolving certain issues, you may find it useful to see a councilor. This person will encourage the both of you to explore and discuss difficult or hard to broach subjects. It will also help you to make a public show of recommitment for your future.
If you can come through this process and feel that you can finally forgive your partner for what has happened and you are really trying hard to trust him again, then you may even end up having a much stronger relationship than you had before.
Many people have found that after all the soul searching and the agony and the act of rebuilding their shattered lives, they discover that they have a much more intimate and deeper relationship than they had before. Even though they may feel initially that they had lost that “special” bond, they can end up gaining something even better – a partnership that gains in strength daily, bolstered by a renewed respect for each other and fed by a deep spiritual understanding of each other’s needs and desires.