How to tell if your Spouse is Emotionally Abusive


My ex-husband was definitely emotionally abusive. The signs of emotional abuse can at first seem so slight. Mine began as just a simple question like “don’t you think you’ve eaten enough already?” and escalated to the fact that every time I opened the refrigerator he actually made oinking noises at me. I was very unhappy so I was eating more and gaining weight. He then began to become emotionally abusive. Other abuses soon followed. That’s another story.

“We can’t go anywhere with the way you look or how fat you are now!” he’d scream at me. Sometimes it would be “I’m going to go without you cause you are just too embarrassing to take!” Words cut like a knife to your very soul and they can hurt your emotional psyche. Depression sets in like a deep overwhelming cloud and covers you in a gray suffocating blanket. You don’t know where to turn. You feel like you are failing your husband. You try harder to please him by dieting. You loose five pounds and are proud of yourself but he doesn’t seem to be. Now he finds other faults with you. “You don’t keep the house clean enough for his friends to visit.” This is his new reason not to have company over and for him to go over to see them without you. You still are a failure in his eyes. Your emotional psyche is damaged again even though it should be getting praise from loosing that weight.

He’s moved you far away from your family and you can’t go to their homes so you have no where to turn and run at this time. He may have caused a problem between you and your own family members making you choose between him or them. At the time you chose him because things were going well and you were “in love” and there was no emotional abuse then. Now it’s all different. This is one of the first tricks an abuser will use before he begins his abuse. It’s his isolation technique. Usually it’s followed up with a move from the area, state or even the country.

Emotional abuse can begin with yelling but only at an alarming level on a consistent basis. The wording is what is what you need to pay particular attention to
in detail. Is it so upsetting to your psyche that you are becoming increasingly depressed? Does your spouse dismiss it when you try to speak to him/her as if you are being overly sensitive? Is it continuing even though you have talked to your spouse about it and have asked that him/her speak to you in a more respectful manner? If so seek counseling, family, friends, or a shelter. Leave and don’t go back until things can be resolved if they can. Emotional abuse is only the first step towards other abuses which only become worse over time. Believe me I lived through this nightmare in two separated marriages prior to the one I’m happily in now.