How to Rebuild a Troubled Relationship

It’s been a long day. And truthfully, it feels as if it’s been a long marriage.

I woke up this morning to the sound of my eight month old cooing in his crib next to me. What followed was a groggy walk to the kitchen, putting together a bottle for the baby, fixing breakfast for my two year old and myself, then getting the kids ready for the day. Two hours later I realize I have just that much less time to finish all the other things waiting to get done that day.

By noon my husband gets home. I fix him something to eat, and listen to him talk about how hard work was. Hm…he didn’t ask me how many times the baby woke up last night, or how early I had to get up with him this morning. I smile, and nodd, and pick up his plate to wash in the sink. He goes to bed after pecking me on the lips and I go out to the living room to play with the children.

I study my college courses all afternoon between playing with the kids, changing diapers, preparing bottles, fixing meals, potty training, running after the baby who wont stay in one place, and dealing with a two year old’s tantrums. And add to that the few hours I have to do my transcription work for a few extra bucks for myself. Before I know it, it is time to make supper, feed the family and get the kids ready for thier baths.

I stop for five minutes to breath, sit down on the couch, and wonder where the day went. And my husband has still not asked me how my day went. He just doesn’t have the time. He has to spend as much time as he can with the kids before bedtime.

It is okay, I tell myself, because we really don’t have a problem. Right?

I look at him from across the room and realize that in the last two years since we started having kids, and less time for eachother, that we have grown apart. How do you fix a relationship that hasn’t ebbed because of adultery, lies or bitterness? How do you repair a relationship that is only growing distant because of work, of children, and no spare time?

You find time, that is how. You take one weekend a month to spend with your husband. You call a sitter, a family member, anyone who can sympathize with your need to get your relationship back on track.

Life is too busy in this modern day, money is always an issue and it seems like between paying bills and raising your children that finding time for the relationship that had meant so much in the beginning is too difficult to bother with. The truth is, if you don’t make the time, if you don’t set time aside for the man you fell in love with or the woman who made your heart skip a beat each time you saw her, that your marriage will eventually become non-existant.

It is finally time for bed. I lay down next to my husband, who has to get up in two hours to go back to work, and I cuddle up close to him. He puts his arm around me, but it too tired for much else.

Tomorrow I’ll call a babysitter.