Couples will disagree at some point in their relationships. It is a normal and healthy experience, for everyone is different, and must be allowed to express their differences in a healthy non-threatening manner. It is when, communication is hampered by verbal, emotional or physical abuse that a relationship is unhealthy and needs serious intervention.
There are 3 simple needs in a healthy relationship. Trust, respect and communication. Take out any one of these properties and you will have a relationship that is lacking in the ability to come out of disagreements with a deep commitment and resolution that only makes the relationship stronger.
Being able to bend, listen, reflect and compromise is truly how each partner will benefit from disagreements. Bend being love is a little, give and a little take. You won’t always have it your way, but with some compromising and bending, it is highly likely that your partner and yourself will come out of the disagreement with a sense of accomplishment.
Listening is just that. Truly listen to your partners complaints, or comments. Do not interrupt them, and let them have their moment to vent, and unleash whatever is eating at them. This will show that you respect how they are feeling. Feelings are not up for dispute. They are not about blame. They are exclusively how each individual is feeling at that moment. Isn’t it wonderful, to be able to share your feelings with someone and know that they are hearing you, respecting you, and loving you none the less.
When your partner has finished saying what he needed to express, it is important that you reflect back to them what you heard. That not only shows them you were listening, but also allows them the ability to make sure that the way you took it, is clearly how they expressed it. So often in the heat of fighting, things are verbally expressed and so often taken out of context or proportion. It is important, to give your partner your reflection on how you interpreted what they said. If something was not taken the correct way, it gives them the opportunity to correct it or clarify it. Reflecting is also your chance to express your feelings, and to state that you understand your partners view even if you don’t agree. It is important to know that you don’t always have to agree to understand and respect each other.
At this point, it is especially important to realize and accept each other’s opinions, to express the need to come to a conclusion, and verbally agree once you have come to that conclusion, that the conflict has been successfully managed and will not be brought again. This is where compromise is important. Everyone picks and chooses what is truly important to their own happiness. If you strongly believe that something needs to be done a certain way, and it is going to affect your daily happiness, you need to express that you can’t completely compromise on this issue. But if it only holds slight irritations or importance to you, then definitely bend a lot. Compromise more in your partners favor, since this will make them happy, and will not effect your daily living and internal happiness all that much. It really is a balance of two people, who can successfully communicate that will over come fighting with strength, respect, trust and an unconditional love that lasts.